Oh, this is just too brilliant!
Simon has got cat behavior down pat.
Enjoy!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Max Wants to Go Home
So Max had to go to the vet because he had a cold. Max, not the vet. Anyway, the vet office is about 20 minutes away. After Max was poked and prodded and given a shot, he wasn't too happy about another 20 minute ride home. So he whined all the way home. I shot this with my phone just before I parked the car.
If I do say so myself, it's hilarious.
Poor Max!
If I do say so myself, it's hilarious.
Poor Max!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Every old house deserves a madman...
Most of my dining room furniture is in the kitchen.
All of my living room furniture is in the dining room.
Why? Because my madman of an electrician and I decided to put recessed lighting in the living room.
Since I have a plaster and lath ceiling, the mess of creating holes and running wire necessitated removal of all furniture and breakable objects.
My housemate, who is nearly autistic when it comes to order and routine, is slowly coming apart at the seams because of the mess.
It doesn't bother me at all because I never got that gene. You know, the everything in it's place, oh God, there's a speck of dust, quick get a broom gene. Can't say that I miss not having it either.
The madman has already rewired the upstairs and added recessed lighting to the hallway.
Apparently my 80-year-old house is full of wiring that's about to ignite and burn the house down.
Sigh.
He's not really mad, by the way, he's just a little crazy and never ever on time. Which doesn't bother me, but drives the housemate crazy.
I wonder what she'll do when I renovate the kitchen.....
All of my living room furniture is in the dining room.
Why? Because my madman of an electrician and I decided to put recessed lighting in the living room.
Since I have a plaster and lath ceiling, the mess of creating holes and running wire necessitated removal of all furniture and breakable objects.
My housemate, who is nearly autistic when it comes to order and routine, is slowly coming apart at the seams because of the mess.
It doesn't bother me at all because I never got that gene. You know, the everything in it's place, oh God, there's a speck of dust, quick get a broom gene. Can't say that I miss not having it either.
The madman has already rewired the upstairs and added recessed lighting to the hallway.
Apparently my 80-year-old house is full of wiring that's about to ignite and burn the house down.
Sigh.
He's not really mad, by the way, he's just a little crazy and never ever on time. Which doesn't bother me, but drives the housemate crazy.
I wonder what she'll do when I renovate the kitchen.....
Saturday, December 11, 2010
mmm, Philly Pretzels....
Having no time to eat breakfast this morning, after many appointments and errands, I found myself at Wawa at 2:30, absolutely starving.
I truly wanted to avoid carbs but refused to pay $3.09 for a power bar. (Okay, sometimes I'm cheap, but really, $3.09, that's highway robbery.)
So I grab a diet iced tea and head for the cash register, then I see them...pretzels. Yes, mmm, warm soft Philadelphia pretzels, covered in coarse salt.
I could not resist.
So I bought one.
I bit into in the car and nearly swooned. Oh, low-carb, be damned!
Cervantes said that hunger is the best sauce but, honestly, this was heavenly.
The delicate crust that has to be bitten through, the soft doughy middle, the agreeable underlying slight sweetness mingled with the coarse kosher salt.
Ah, what a combination!
Each bite somehow surpassed the last.
I swear, if I had mustard for that pretzel, I just might have achieved satori and kicked the frame right there in the car.
Ah, Philadelphia, there's no place like home....
I truly wanted to avoid carbs but refused to pay $3.09 for a power bar. (Okay, sometimes I'm cheap, but really, $3.09, that's highway robbery.)
So I grab a diet iced tea and head for the cash register, then I see them...pretzels. Yes, mmm, warm soft Philadelphia pretzels, covered in coarse salt.
I could not resist.
So I bought one.
I bit into in the car and nearly swooned. Oh, low-carb, be damned!
Cervantes said that hunger is the best sauce but, honestly, this was heavenly.
The delicate crust that has to be bitten through, the soft doughy middle, the agreeable underlying slight sweetness mingled with the coarse kosher salt.
Ah, what a combination!
Each bite somehow surpassed the last.
I swear, if I had mustard for that pretzel, I just might have achieved satori and kicked the frame right there in the car.
Ah, Philadelphia, there's no place like home....
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Christmas Comes but Once a Year...
As I see the first Christmas decorations go up, I am reminded of some previous neighbors of mine.
They were a very nice Korean couple who lived across the street and when they decorated, they put some large Christmas lights in each pane of their bay window.
In each pane, they had a large glowing candlestick with a flame on top.
Unfortunately, from across the street, at first glance, the candlesticks looked remarkably like erect penises.
Every time I saw them, I wanted to yell, "Happy Penis Day, neighbors!"
They were a very nice Korean couple who lived across the street and when they decorated, they put some large Christmas lights in each pane of their bay window.
In each pane, they had a large glowing candlestick with a flame on top.
Unfortunately, from across the street, at first glance, the candlesticks looked remarkably like erect penises.
Every time I saw them, I wanted to yell, "Happy Penis Day, neighbors!"
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Day after Thanksgiving
Ah, the day after Thanksgiving...such a great day!
You get to lie around all day in your pajamas, napping, and eating leftovers!
That whole great meal, all over again, but this time....in your pajamas!
Does life get any better than this?
I don't think so!
You get to lie around all day in your pajamas, napping, and eating leftovers!
That whole great meal, all over again, but this time....in your pajamas!
Does life get any better than this?
I don't think so!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving Part Deux
Okay, so it's Turkey Day and because I slept like 19 hours last night, I'm all "let's get something done!"
So I'm doing laundry and making, wait for it, real oatmeal.
Oh, no, not that packaged stuff for me.
Real stone-ground oatmeal.
Except normally I just boil it the night before and let it sit on the unlit stove all night. Yes, I really am that lazy. Except I think it's smart, not lazy, but we can argue about that later.
I even gave up my DD run, you know, the one I make EVERY MORNING OF MY LIFE. Really, DD should give me free tea or something.
I also waited until noon to call Antique Fossilized Uncle (so as not to wake him up too early) to remind him that dinner is at 5:00 and he's going with my cousin and not me. So I can totally blast Amy Winehouse and/or tango in the car on the way to Michele's.
I also decided to practice my ochos in the kitchen while the oatmeal simmers.
This was not my best idea.
Being post-menopausal (oh, dear God, did I just put that in writing, have I no sense of discretion? Well, no...) I get boiling hot in seconds. So add up the fact that I raised the temperature in the house because it was SO SNOWING when I got up, and I've got oatmeal boiling, and I'm twisting and turning around the kitchen trying to do several ochos in a row without falling down or hurting myself in a way that would make me miss Thanksgiving and I damn near stripped naked in the kitchen a minute ago.
Yes, this is my life.
(sigh)
So I'm doing laundry and making, wait for it, real oatmeal.
Oh, no, not that packaged stuff for me.
Real stone-ground oatmeal.
Except normally I just boil it the night before and let it sit on the unlit stove all night. Yes, I really am that lazy. Except I think it's smart, not lazy, but we can argue about that later.
I even gave up my DD run, you know, the one I make EVERY MORNING OF MY LIFE. Really, DD should give me free tea or something.
I also waited until noon to call Antique Fossilized Uncle (so as not to wake him up too early) to remind him that dinner is at 5:00 and he's going with my cousin and not me. So I can totally blast Amy Winehouse and/or tango in the car on the way to Michele's.
I also decided to practice my ochos in the kitchen while the oatmeal simmers.
This was not my best idea.
Being post-menopausal (oh, dear God, did I just put that in writing, have I no sense of discretion? Well, no...) I get boiling hot in seconds. So add up the fact that I raised the temperature in the house because it was SO SNOWING when I got up, and I've got oatmeal boiling, and I'm twisting and turning around the kitchen trying to do several ochos in a row without falling down or hurting myself in a way that would make me miss Thanksgiving and I damn near stripped naked in the kitchen a minute ago.
Yes, this is my life.
(sigh)
Thanksgiving!
I totally love Thanksgiving!
Someone feeds me a huge meal (okay, it's usually one of my fabulous sisters, sisters who can cook, oh, I don't know...ANYTHING and make it taste FABULOUS!) and I don't have to buy anyone a present!
How great a holiday is that?
Oh, and I just want to bring up my favorite holiday topic. Just try and imagine a holiday, any holiday, without women. I DARE YOU!
Yes, it's women who cook, and decorate, and invite everyone, and clean the house until it's sparkling, and clean all the good china, and shop and cook for DAYS!
It's the women, people!
Well, not ME, but, you know, other women.
Let me be heard, loud and clear, by all those great women everywhere, WE APPRECIATE IT!
In fact, everyone woman creating a holiday, today or any other day, should be given a STANDING OVATION!
In fact, that's usually what my sisters and I do. Whoever cooks that day gets a standing ovation.
Why? BECAUSE THEY FREAKIN' DESERVE IT, THAT'S WHY!
Women, you are the BEST!
Men, kiss the feet of the goddess today who came down from heaven just to make your life possible! You damn well know she deserves it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone feeds me a huge meal (okay, it's usually one of my fabulous sisters, sisters who can cook, oh, I don't know...ANYTHING and make it taste FABULOUS!) and I don't have to buy anyone a present!
How great a holiday is that?
Oh, and I just want to bring up my favorite holiday topic. Just try and imagine a holiday, any holiday, without women. I DARE YOU!
Yes, it's women who cook, and decorate, and invite everyone, and clean the house until it's sparkling, and clean all the good china, and shop and cook for DAYS!
It's the women, people!
Well, not ME, but, you know, other women.
Let me be heard, loud and clear, by all those great women everywhere, WE APPRECIATE IT!
In fact, everyone woman creating a holiday, today or any other day, should be given a STANDING OVATION!
In fact, that's usually what my sisters and I do. Whoever cooks that day gets a standing ovation.
Why? BECAUSE THEY FREAKIN' DESERVE IT, THAT'S WHY!
Women, you are the BEST!
Men, kiss the feet of the goddess today who came down from heaven just to make your life possible! You damn well know she deserves it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
bristol and levi
Oh, dear God, the wedding is off!
Why, you ask?
What could possibly interfere with this Lifetime Movie special of a teenage relationship?
He got his ex pregnant!
Has this guy ever heard of condoms?
Man, Levi is turning into that guy that has children from 3 different women and all his money goes to support payments.
Wait, there's more. (Oh, so much more...)
His ex, Lanesia, (no, really, Lanesia, is there nothing to do up in Alaska but ride bareback and make up funny names for your kids?) ISN'T SURE WHO THE FATHER IS!
A direct quote from Huffington Post:
Earlier in the week, the National Enquirer reported that Garcia was pregnant and she and Johnston were together when he was single last year. A source says that Johnston claims the baby isn't his, but that, "Levi is one of three possible fathers who were with Lanesia during the probable week of conception."
Three? Three? Yes, that's right, three!
Honestly, Palin and friends give the Clampetts a run for their money.
Why, you ask?
What could possibly interfere with this Lifetime Movie special of a teenage relationship?
He got his ex pregnant!
Has this guy ever heard of condoms?
Man, Levi is turning into that guy that has children from 3 different women and all his money goes to support payments.
Wait, there's more. (Oh, so much more...)
His ex, Lanesia, (no, really, Lanesia, is there nothing to do up in Alaska but ride bareback and make up funny names for your kids?) ISN'T SURE WHO THE FATHER IS!
A direct quote from Huffington Post:
Earlier in the week, the National Enquirer reported that Garcia was pregnant and she and Johnston were together when he was single last year. A source says that Johnston claims the baby isn't his, but that, "Levi is one of three possible fathers who were with Lanesia during the probable week of conception."
Three? Three? Yes, that's right, three!
Honestly, Palin and friends give the Clampetts a run for their money.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Dreams
I dreamed many things last night but all I can remember is one dream.
I dreamed of bright white diamond-hard stars in a vast sea of inky blackness.
I dreamed of bright white diamond-hard stars in a vast sea of inky blackness.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Terror in the Morning
I just woke up and scared the hell out of myself.
Unfortunately my bathroom has a very large mirror right at eye level to the commode.
If you turn your head to the left while following nature's call, you get a spectacular head-shot view of yourself.
I turned my head and I swear I saw Khrushchev in the mirror.
You know you are old when you look like a Soviet premier when you wake up.
Excuse me while I go find something to bang my shoe on.
Unfortunately my bathroom has a very large mirror right at eye level to the commode.
If you turn your head to the left while following nature's call, you get a spectacular head-shot view of yourself.
I turned my head and I swear I saw Khrushchev in the mirror.
You know you are old when you look like a Soviet premier when you wake up.
Excuse me while I go find something to bang my shoe on.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
American Idol Top 12
Goodness, I keep missing the boys!
So now, it's Top 12 time!
The theme is Rolling Stones. Wow, that's a lot of hits to pick from. (I can't believe I've never seen the Stones.)
I always wondered about Mick Jagger and Keith Richards (and, come to think of it, Joe Perry and Steven Tyler). Are they friends or lovers? They have odd overtones in their relationships. Either that or I just have a dirty mind.
Michael - Miss you. Giving it his all. I give him an 8. Ryan is getting in Simon's face. That was funny.
Didi - Playing with Fire. I really hate this. I don't even recognize the song. This is tortured and annoying. Well, judges liked it, but not me.
Casey - It's All Over Now. Eh. Nice, I guess. Why is Randy so fat after gastric bypass?
Simon said it was like an audition. I agree.
Lacey - Ruby Tuesday. I still think everything Lacey sings sounds exactly the same. I hope she goes home, I'm really tired of her. Simon agrees with me, naturally.
Andrew - Gimme Shelter. Well, at least I can recognize it. I just don't see Andrew as a star. I also hate the neck tattoo. I don't like tattoos in general but I firmly believe that the face and neck should be completely off-limits.
The ad for Human Target looks good, but I refuse to watch any more tv.
Katie - Wild Horses. She does have a beautiful voice. I liked it. I didn't love it, but I did like it.
Tim - Under My Thumb. Tim looks like every teenage boy I knew in 1970. What's with the retro hair? He reminds me of Bobby Sherman. Bobby Sherman singing Under My Thumb? Oh, God, no! Seriously, this is a bad choice of songs. Why is it reggae? Oh, this is bad...... It's a shame that That 70's Show isn't still on the air, he could have a job.
Siobhan - Paint it Black. Dare I hope? I totally loved it, including the scream! The only interesting performer so far tonight. I'd still love to know what that tattoo is. Oh, I looked it up. Good 'ole internet. From Celibrifi: The Ink: Siobhan currently boasts three tattoos. On her right shoulder (middle inset) is the cover image from Edward Gorey's book "The Gashlycrumb Tinies." Now you know.
Lee - Beast of Burden. I just like Lee, he is cool. He has a radio voice. He'll have a career no matter what. I like this. I just have to say that my friend Stef's husband thought the song said I'll never see your pizza burning. I love when people get lyrics wrong. For years I thought Carlos Santana was singing, "Jeannie Jones and her bulldog, too." No, really.
Paige - Honky Tonky Woman. I find her very pedestrian. I really hate this. I didn't understand the juxtaposition of the lyrics.
Aaron - Angie. I like him. I like the performance. Even though he doesn't look old enough to be out by himself.
Crystal: My favorite! Can't Always Get What You Want. Loved it, no surprise! You cannot buy what this kid's got. Not her best, but her almost best is better than most.
Whew, that's done!
So now, it's Top 12 time!
The theme is Rolling Stones. Wow, that's a lot of hits to pick from. (I can't believe I've never seen the Stones.)
I always wondered about Mick Jagger and Keith Richards (and, come to think of it, Joe Perry and Steven Tyler). Are they friends or lovers? They have odd overtones in their relationships. Either that or I just have a dirty mind.
Michael - Miss you. Giving it his all. I give him an 8. Ryan is getting in Simon's face. That was funny.
Didi - Playing with Fire. I really hate this. I don't even recognize the song. This is tortured and annoying. Well, judges liked it, but not me.
Casey - It's All Over Now. Eh. Nice, I guess. Why is Randy so fat after gastric bypass?
Simon said it was like an audition. I agree.
Lacey - Ruby Tuesday. I still think everything Lacey sings sounds exactly the same. I hope she goes home, I'm really tired of her. Simon agrees with me, naturally.
Andrew - Gimme Shelter. Well, at least I can recognize it. I just don't see Andrew as a star. I also hate the neck tattoo. I don't like tattoos in general but I firmly believe that the face and neck should be completely off-limits.
The ad for Human Target looks good, but I refuse to watch any more tv.
Katie - Wild Horses. She does have a beautiful voice. I liked it. I didn't love it, but I did like it.
Tim - Under My Thumb. Tim looks like every teenage boy I knew in 1970. What's with the retro hair? He reminds me of Bobby Sherman. Bobby Sherman singing Under My Thumb? Oh, God, no! Seriously, this is a bad choice of songs. Why is it reggae? Oh, this is bad...... It's a shame that That 70's Show isn't still on the air, he could have a job.
Siobhan - Paint it Black. Dare I hope? I totally loved it, including the scream! The only interesting performer so far tonight. I'd still love to know what that tattoo is. Oh, I looked it up. Good 'ole internet. From Celibrifi: The Ink: Siobhan currently boasts three tattoos. On her right shoulder (middle inset) is the cover image from Edward Gorey's book "The Gashlycrumb Tinies." Now you know.
Lee - Beast of Burden. I just like Lee, he is cool. He has a radio voice. He'll have a career no matter what. I like this. I just have to say that my friend Stef's husband thought the song said I'll never see your pizza burning. I love when people get lyrics wrong. For years I thought Carlos Santana was singing, "Jeannie Jones and her bulldog, too." No, really.
Paige - Honky Tonky Woman. I find her very pedestrian. I really hate this. I didn't understand the juxtaposition of the lyrics.
Aaron - Angie. I like him. I like the performance. Even though he doesn't look old enough to be out by himself.
Crystal: My favorite! Can't Always Get What You Want. Loved it, no surprise! You cannot buy what this kid's got. Not her best, but her almost best is better than most.
Whew, that's done!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Top 8 Girls - American Idol
Okay, so I missed a week, sue me.
Thank God, chicklet teeth girl is gone.....
Ellen is on Simon's lap! She is nuzzling him. Funny!
Katie: Such a pretty girl! Rather snoozy performance so far. Rather boring. Panel didn't like it either. She's really just too young.
Siobhan: House of the Rising Sun. I think she can do it. This girl's got soul. Different version, I like it! She's my second favorite girl. Simon thought it was weird, I gotta say, I disagree. I thought it was fascinating.
Lacey: Stories. I have the feeling that I have seen this performance before. Don't all Lacey's performances seem the same? I think it's time Lacy went home. Judge's liked it. Guess it's me.
Katelyn: Carole King. She's adorable but I think of this song as completely Carole's. It's hard to hear anyone else sing it. Randy says there was nothing special about it, I agree.
Didi: Fleetwood Mac. Rhiannon. Never do Stevie! A different reading but still, you always hear Stevie in your head, don't you? An aside: does every girl on the show have to wear lip gloss? I have HD and it just looks icky. Kara and Simon liked it, but not me.
Paige: Smile. Sounds scared or nervous. Odd choice of song. I think it's a train wreck. Judges agree with me. I think Paige is going home.
An aside: Sons of Tucson looks funny.
Crystal! Give me one reason. She's the real thing. I love her. She reminds me of Bonnie. I totally LOVE that she's sitting on her amp! She's so unimpressed with the judges and so sure of herself. Simon agrees.
Lily: Patsy Cline. Really? Patsy? This I gotta see. I'm really tired of that Betty Boop quality to her voice. This is painful. I really hate it. Simon says no wow factor, I really agree. I think she is going home. Shame, 'cause I like Lily.
Thank God, chicklet teeth girl is gone.....
Ellen is on Simon's lap! She is nuzzling him. Funny!
Katie: Such a pretty girl! Rather snoozy performance so far. Rather boring. Panel didn't like it either. She's really just too young.
Siobhan: House of the Rising Sun. I think she can do it. This girl's got soul. Different version, I like it! She's my second favorite girl. Simon thought it was weird, I gotta say, I disagree. I thought it was fascinating.
Lacey: Stories. I have the feeling that I have seen this performance before. Don't all Lacey's performances seem the same? I think it's time Lacy went home. Judge's liked it. Guess it's me.
Katelyn: Carole King. She's adorable but I think of this song as completely Carole's. It's hard to hear anyone else sing it. Randy says there was nothing special about it, I agree.
Didi: Fleetwood Mac. Rhiannon. Never do Stevie! A different reading but still, you always hear Stevie in your head, don't you? An aside: does every girl on the show have to wear lip gloss? I have HD and it just looks icky. Kara and Simon liked it, but not me.
Paige: Smile. Sounds scared or nervous. Odd choice of song. I think it's a train wreck. Judges agree with me. I think Paige is going home.
An aside: Sons of Tucson looks funny.
Crystal! Give me one reason. She's the real thing. I love her. She reminds me of Bonnie. I totally LOVE that she's sitting on her amp! She's so unimpressed with the judges and so sure of herself. Simon agrees.
Lily: Patsy Cline. Really? Patsy? This I gotta see. I'm really tired of that Betty Boop quality to her voice. This is painful. I really hate it. Simon says no wow factor, I really agree. I think she is going home. Shame, 'cause I like Lily.
Friday, February 26, 2010
American Idol Girls
Wow, does American Idol get lamer every year?
I thinks so.
This show is so over without Simon. (I love Simon.)
The girls are singing hits from the Billboard charts.
Here comes Paige, singing It's Alright Now.
Very cruise ship, it's not even the chorus and I'm already bored. I am also not digging the silver belt. Let's move on.
Ashley, singing Happy by Leona Lewis. Don't know the song, don't think I'll buy it based on her rendition. Beautiful girl, but this is really dull. Simon says no originality and I agree.
Here comes Janelle. Doesn't she look like Scarlett Johansen? Oh, no, she's doing Heart! Only the Wilson Sisters can do Heart songs! Does her ass look incredibly dumpy or is it just me? This is worse than dull, it's off-key.
Okay, here comes Lily with the gray hair. It is gray, isn't it? She has an interesting look. Okay, the earrings are all tragic, but other than that, not bad. Fixing a hole by the Beatles. She's kind of doing it cutesy. It's a little like Betty Boop doing the Beatles. Never thought I would heard a semi-sexy, cutesy version of Fixing a Hole, but I still like her.
Katelyn from Iowa is next. That's a lot of hair. She clearly got through on her looks. Oh, Darling. Another Beatles song. What the hell is she wearing? She looks like a 1990's version of a Wild West saloon girl. (Yeah, that's what I said). She also looks a little bit like Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby with that tramp make-up. This may be the most off-key inauthentic version of Oh Darling ever sung. The judges liked her, but I didn't.
Oh, dear, here comes Haeley, otherwise known as Big Teeth girl. This girl just totally gets on my nerves. Okay, she's dressed in some strange Naughty Nurse, all-white, frump of a costume. How is it possible to ruin "I Want to Hold Your Hand"? God, this sucks! I don't want to hold her hand, I just want her to stop singing. I know, I know, she's only 16. Thank God, Simon hated her too.
Oh, God, we're only half-way through..... Thank the gods for fast-forward.
Lacey's up next. Landslide! No, don't do it, Lacey. Is everyone as tired of this song as I am? No excitement and pitchy. Very Las Vegas Lounge. Lord, this is dreary.
Michelle's next. Falling. Does that shirt have a bustle? Is it possible for a shirt to have a bustle? Totally boring. Ellen thought it was fantastic. Really? Simon says no wow factor, so true.
Didi the waitress is next. The Way I Am. Okay, from who's Grandma did she steal that afghan she's wearing. But wait, I really like her. I like the song and I like her. Simon thought the song was dreary but I liked it.
Glass blower girl is next. Oh, great, she doesn't know what "dark horse" means. Well, she's young. Siobhan, that's her name. Wicked Game. I think she has a lovely voice. She has a bizarre tattoo that looks like Mary Poppins. Is that possible? I like her!
Crystal's next, I LOVE HER! She could be Janis Joplin's granddaughter or Melissa's daughter. She's got that vibe. Okay, I'm going to say right now, she's a Daughtry in the making. She won't win, but she will definitely have a career. She has more talent in her little finger that all the rest of the bunch.
Katie's up. She's only 16. Feelin' good. Not a great choice for a teenage audience. It's like a teen pageant performance. Kind of little girl fake sexy. It's tragic. She might be better on Broadway, if she could stop going sharp.
Okay, that's over.
The boys will have to wait for later. There's only so much bad singing I can take in one day.
I thinks so.
This show is so over without Simon. (I love Simon.)
The girls are singing hits from the Billboard charts.
Here comes Paige, singing It's Alright Now.
Very cruise ship, it's not even the chorus and I'm already bored. I am also not digging the silver belt. Let's move on.
Ashley, singing Happy by Leona Lewis. Don't know the song, don't think I'll buy it based on her rendition. Beautiful girl, but this is really dull. Simon says no originality and I agree.
Here comes Janelle. Doesn't she look like Scarlett Johansen? Oh, no, she's doing Heart! Only the Wilson Sisters can do Heart songs! Does her ass look incredibly dumpy or is it just me? This is worse than dull, it's off-key.
Okay, here comes Lily with the gray hair. It is gray, isn't it? She has an interesting look. Okay, the earrings are all tragic, but other than that, not bad. Fixing a hole by the Beatles. She's kind of doing it cutesy. It's a little like Betty Boop doing the Beatles. Never thought I would heard a semi-sexy, cutesy version of Fixing a Hole, but I still like her.
Katelyn from Iowa is next. That's a lot of hair. She clearly got through on her looks. Oh, Darling. Another Beatles song. What the hell is she wearing? She looks like a 1990's version of a Wild West saloon girl. (Yeah, that's what I said). She also looks a little bit like Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby with that tramp make-up. This may be the most off-key inauthentic version of Oh Darling ever sung. The judges liked her, but I didn't.
Oh, dear, here comes Haeley, otherwise known as Big Teeth girl. This girl just totally gets on my nerves. Okay, she's dressed in some strange Naughty Nurse, all-white, frump of a costume. How is it possible to ruin "I Want to Hold Your Hand"? God, this sucks! I don't want to hold her hand, I just want her to stop singing. I know, I know, she's only 16. Thank God, Simon hated her too.
Oh, God, we're only half-way through..... Thank the gods for fast-forward.
Lacey's up next. Landslide! No, don't do it, Lacey. Is everyone as tired of this song as I am? No excitement and pitchy. Very Las Vegas Lounge. Lord, this is dreary.
Michelle's next. Falling. Does that shirt have a bustle? Is it possible for a shirt to have a bustle? Totally boring. Ellen thought it was fantastic. Really? Simon says no wow factor, so true.
Didi the waitress is next. The Way I Am. Okay, from who's Grandma did she steal that afghan she's wearing. But wait, I really like her. I like the song and I like her. Simon thought the song was dreary but I liked it.
Glass blower girl is next. Oh, great, she doesn't know what "dark horse" means. Well, she's young. Siobhan, that's her name. Wicked Game. I think she has a lovely voice. She has a bizarre tattoo that looks like Mary Poppins. Is that possible? I like her!
Crystal's next, I LOVE HER! She could be Janis Joplin's granddaughter or Melissa's daughter. She's got that vibe. Okay, I'm going to say right now, she's a Daughtry in the making. She won't win, but she will definitely have a career. She has more talent in her little finger that all the rest of the bunch.
Katie's up. She's only 16. Feelin' good. Not a great choice for a teenage audience. It's like a teen pageant performance. Kind of little girl fake sexy. It's tragic. She might be better on Broadway, if she could stop going sharp.
Okay, that's over.
The boys will have to wait for later. There's only so much bad singing I can take in one day.
Mommy, I just love Justin Bieber!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI
Link to the cutest video ever!
Watch it until the end or you will miss the most adorable part!
(I have to admit, though, I have no idea who Justin Bieber is.........)
Link to the cutest video ever!
Watch it until the end or you will miss the most adorable part!
(I have to admit, though, I have no idea who Justin Bieber is.........)
Will February ever be over?
Here I sit, dismally looking out at yet another February snowstorm.
Will it ever end?
This month is like the ax murderer in all those slasher movies, you know, the one you think is dead until the penultimate scene, where he gets up and chases you for the last time.
I feel like February is out to get me, ax in hand, clinging to my leg as I scream and run away.
Come 'on, Spring!
Will it ever end?
This month is like the ax murderer in all those slasher movies, you know, the one you think is dead until the penultimate scene, where he gets up and chases you for the last time.
I feel like February is out to get me, ax in hand, clinging to my leg as I scream and run away.
Come 'on, Spring!
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