American Idol Girls

Wow, does American Idol get lamer every year?

I thinks so.

This show is so over without Simon. (I love Simon.)

The girls are singing hits from the Billboard charts.

Here comes Paige, singing It's Alright Now.

Very cruise ship, it's not even the chorus and I'm already bored. I am also not digging the silver belt. Let's move on.

Ashley, singing Happy by Leona Lewis. Don't know the song, don't think I'll buy it based on her rendition. Beautiful girl, but this is really dull. Simon says no originality and I agree.

Here comes Janelle. Doesn't she look like Scarlett Johansen? Oh, no, she's doing Heart! Only the Wilson Sisters can do Heart songs! Does her ass look incredibly dumpy or is it just me? This is worse than dull, it's off-key.

Okay, here comes Lily with the gray hair. It is gray, isn't it? She has an interesting look. Okay, the earrings are all tragic, but other than that, not bad. Fixing a hole by the Beatles. She's kind of doing it cutesy. It's a little like Betty Boop doing the Beatles. Never thought I would heard a semi-sexy, cutesy version of Fixing a Hole, but I still like her.

Katelyn from Iowa is next. That's a lot of hair. She clearly got through on her looks. Oh, Darling. Another Beatles song. What the hell is she wearing? She looks like a 1990's version of a Wild West saloon girl. (Yeah, that's what I said). She also looks a little bit like Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby with that tramp make-up. This may be the most off-key inauthentic version of Oh Darling ever sung. The judges liked her, but I didn't.

Oh, dear, here comes Haeley, otherwise known as Big Teeth girl. This girl just totally gets on my nerves. Okay, she's dressed in some strange Naughty Nurse, all-white, frump of a costume. How is it possible to ruin "I Want to Hold Your Hand"? God, this sucks! I don't want to hold her hand, I just want her to stop singing. I know, I know, she's only 16. Thank God, Simon hated her too.

Oh, God, we're only half-way through..... Thank the gods for fast-forward.

Lacey's up next. Landslide! No, don't do it, Lacey. Is everyone as tired of this song as I am? No excitement and pitchy. Very Las Vegas Lounge. Lord, this is dreary.

Michelle's next. Falling. Does that shirt have a bustle? Is it possible for a shirt to have a bustle? Totally boring. Ellen thought it was fantastic. Really? Simon says no wow factor, so true.

Didi the waitress is next. The Way I Am. Okay, from who's Grandma did she steal that afghan she's wearing. But wait, I really like her. I like the song and I like her. Simon thought the song was dreary but I liked it.

Glass blower girl is next. Oh, great, she doesn't know what "dark horse" means. Well, she's young. Siobhan, that's her name. Wicked Game. I think she has a lovely voice. She has a bizarre tattoo that looks like Mary Poppins. Is that possible? I like her!

Crystal's next, I LOVE HER! She could be Janis Joplin's granddaughter or Melissa's daughter. She's got that vibe. Okay, I'm going to say right now, she's a Daughtry in the making. She won't win, but she will definitely have a career. She has more talent in her little finger that all the rest of the bunch.

Katie's up. She's only 16. Feelin' good. Not a great choice for a teenage audience. It's like a teen pageant performance. Kind of little girl fake sexy. It's tragic. She might be better on Broadway, if she could stop going sharp.

Okay, that's over.

The boys will have to wait for later. There's only so much bad singing I can take in one day.