Okay, so it's Turkey Day and because I slept like 19 hours last night, I'm all "let's get something done!"
So I'm doing laundry and making, wait for it, real oatmeal.
Oh, no, not that packaged stuff for me.
Real stone-ground oatmeal.
Except normally I just boil it the night before and let it sit on the unlit stove all night. Yes, I really am that lazy. Except I think it's smart, not lazy, but we can argue about that later.
I even gave up my DD run, you know, the one I make EVERY MORNING OF MY LIFE. Really, DD should give me free tea or something.
I also waited until noon to call Antique Fossilized Uncle (so as not to wake him up too early) to remind him that dinner is at 5:00 and he's going with my cousin and not me. So I can totally blast Amy Winehouse and/or tango in the car on the way to Michele's.
I also decided to practice my ochos in the kitchen while the oatmeal simmers.
This was not my best idea.
Being post-menopausal (oh, dear God, did I just put that in writing, have I no sense of discretion? Well, no...) I get boiling hot in seconds. So add up the fact that I raised the temperature in the house because it was SO SNOWING when I got up, and I've got oatmeal boiling, and I'm twisting and turning around the kitchen trying to do several ochos in a row without falling down or hurting myself in a way that would make me miss Thanksgiving and I damn near stripped naked in the kitchen a minute ago.
Yes, this is my life.
(sigh)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving!
I totally love Thanksgiving!
Someone feeds me a huge meal (okay, it's usually one of my fabulous sisters, sisters who can cook, oh, I don't know...ANYTHING and make it taste FABULOUS!) and I don't have to buy anyone a present!
How great a holiday is that?
Oh, and I just want to bring up my favorite holiday topic. Just try and imagine a holiday, any holiday, without women. I DARE YOU!
Yes, it's women who cook, and decorate, and invite everyone, and clean the house until it's sparkling, and clean all the good china, and shop and cook for DAYS!
It's the women, people!
Well, not ME, but, you know, other women.
Let me be heard, loud and clear, by all those great women everywhere, WE APPRECIATE IT!
In fact, everyone woman creating a holiday, today or any other day, should be given a STANDING OVATION!
In fact, that's usually what my sisters and I do. Whoever cooks that day gets a standing ovation.
Why? BECAUSE THEY FREAKIN' DESERVE IT, THAT'S WHY!
Women, you are the BEST!
Men, kiss the feet of the goddess today who came down from heaven just to make your life possible! You damn well know she deserves it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone feeds me a huge meal (okay, it's usually one of my fabulous sisters, sisters who can cook, oh, I don't know...ANYTHING and make it taste FABULOUS!) and I don't have to buy anyone a present!
How great a holiday is that?
Oh, and I just want to bring up my favorite holiday topic. Just try and imagine a holiday, any holiday, without women. I DARE YOU!
Yes, it's women who cook, and decorate, and invite everyone, and clean the house until it's sparkling, and clean all the good china, and shop and cook for DAYS!
It's the women, people!
Well, not ME, but, you know, other women.
Let me be heard, loud and clear, by all those great women everywhere, WE APPRECIATE IT!
In fact, everyone woman creating a holiday, today or any other day, should be given a STANDING OVATION!
In fact, that's usually what my sisters and I do. Whoever cooks that day gets a standing ovation.
Why? BECAUSE THEY FREAKIN' DESERVE IT, THAT'S WHY!
Women, you are the BEST!
Men, kiss the feet of the goddess today who came down from heaven just to make your life possible! You damn well know she deserves it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
bristol and levi
Oh, dear God, the wedding is off!
Why, you ask?
What could possibly interfere with this Lifetime Movie special of a teenage relationship?
He got his ex pregnant!
Has this guy ever heard of condoms?
Man, Levi is turning into that guy that has children from 3 different women and all his money goes to support payments.
Wait, there's more. (Oh, so much more...)
His ex, Lanesia, (no, really, Lanesia, is there nothing to do up in Alaska but ride bareback and make up funny names for your kids?) ISN'T SURE WHO THE FATHER IS!
A direct quote from Huffington Post:
Earlier in the week, the National Enquirer reported that Garcia was pregnant and she and Johnston were together when he was single last year. A source says that Johnston claims the baby isn't his, but that, "Levi is one of three possible fathers who were with Lanesia during the probable week of conception."
Three? Three? Yes, that's right, three!
Honestly, Palin and friends give the Clampetts a run for their money.
Why, you ask?
What could possibly interfere with this Lifetime Movie special of a teenage relationship?
He got his ex pregnant!
Has this guy ever heard of condoms?
Man, Levi is turning into that guy that has children from 3 different women and all his money goes to support payments.
Wait, there's more. (Oh, so much more...)
His ex, Lanesia, (no, really, Lanesia, is there nothing to do up in Alaska but ride bareback and make up funny names for your kids?) ISN'T SURE WHO THE FATHER IS!
A direct quote from Huffington Post:
Earlier in the week, the National Enquirer reported that Garcia was pregnant and she and Johnston were together when he was single last year. A source says that Johnston claims the baby isn't his, but that, "Levi is one of three possible fathers who were with Lanesia during the probable week of conception."
Three? Three? Yes, that's right, three!
Honestly, Palin and friends give the Clampetts a run for their money.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Dreams
I dreamed many things last night but all I can remember is one dream.
I dreamed of bright white diamond-hard stars in a vast sea of inky blackness.
I dreamed of bright white diamond-hard stars in a vast sea of inky blackness.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Terror in the Morning
I just woke up and scared the hell out of myself.
Unfortunately my bathroom has a very large mirror right at eye level to the commode.
If you turn your head to the left while following nature's call, you get a spectacular head-shot view of yourself.
I turned my head and I swear I saw Khrushchev in the mirror.
You know you are old when you look like a Soviet premier when you wake up.
Excuse me while I go find something to bang my shoe on.
Unfortunately my bathroom has a very large mirror right at eye level to the commode.
If you turn your head to the left while following nature's call, you get a spectacular head-shot view of yourself.
I turned my head and I swear I saw Khrushchev in the mirror.
You know you are old when you look like a Soviet premier when you wake up.
Excuse me while I go find something to bang my shoe on.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
American Idol Top 12
Goodness, I keep missing the boys!
So now, it's Top 12 time!
The theme is Rolling Stones. Wow, that's a lot of hits to pick from. (I can't believe I've never seen the Stones.)
I always wondered about Mick Jagger and Keith Richards (and, come to think of it, Joe Perry and Steven Tyler). Are they friends or lovers? They have odd overtones in their relationships. Either that or I just have a dirty mind.
Michael - Miss you. Giving it his all. I give him an 8. Ryan is getting in Simon's face. That was funny.
Didi - Playing with Fire. I really hate this. I don't even recognize the song. This is tortured and annoying. Well, judges liked it, but not me.
Casey - It's All Over Now. Eh. Nice, I guess. Why is Randy so fat after gastric bypass?
Simon said it was like an audition. I agree.
Lacey - Ruby Tuesday. I still think everything Lacey sings sounds exactly the same. I hope she goes home, I'm really tired of her. Simon agrees with me, naturally.
Andrew - Gimme Shelter. Well, at least I can recognize it. I just don't see Andrew as a star. I also hate the neck tattoo. I don't like tattoos in general but I firmly believe that the face and neck should be completely off-limits.
The ad for Human Target looks good, but I refuse to watch any more tv.
Katie - Wild Horses. She does have a beautiful voice. I liked it. I didn't love it, but I did like it.
Tim - Under My Thumb. Tim looks like every teenage boy I knew in 1970. What's with the retro hair? He reminds me of Bobby Sherman. Bobby Sherman singing Under My Thumb? Oh, God, no! Seriously, this is a bad choice of songs. Why is it reggae? Oh, this is bad...... It's a shame that That 70's Show isn't still on the air, he could have a job.
Siobhan - Paint it Black. Dare I hope? I totally loved it, including the scream! The only interesting performer so far tonight. I'd still love to know what that tattoo is. Oh, I looked it up. Good 'ole internet. From Celibrifi: The Ink: Siobhan currently boasts three tattoos. On her right shoulder (middle inset) is the cover image from Edward Gorey's book "The Gashlycrumb Tinies." Now you know.
Lee - Beast of Burden. I just like Lee, he is cool. He has a radio voice. He'll have a career no matter what. I like this. I just have to say that my friend Stef's husband thought the song said I'll never see your pizza burning. I love when people get lyrics wrong. For years I thought Carlos Santana was singing, "Jeannie Jones and her bulldog, too." No, really.
Paige - Honky Tonky Woman. I find her very pedestrian. I really hate this. I didn't understand the juxtaposition of the lyrics.
Aaron - Angie. I like him. I like the performance. Even though he doesn't look old enough to be out by himself.
Crystal: My favorite! Can't Always Get What You Want. Loved it, no surprise! You cannot buy what this kid's got. Not her best, but her almost best is better than most.
Whew, that's done!
So now, it's Top 12 time!
The theme is Rolling Stones. Wow, that's a lot of hits to pick from. (I can't believe I've never seen the Stones.)
I always wondered about Mick Jagger and Keith Richards (and, come to think of it, Joe Perry and Steven Tyler). Are they friends or lovers? They have odd overtones in their relationships. Either that or I just have a dirty mind.
Michael - Miss you. Giving it his all. I give him an 8. Ryan is getting in Simon's face. That was funny.
Didi - Playing with Fire. I really hate this. I don't even recognize the song. This is tortured and annoying. Well, judges liked it, but not me.
Casey - It's All Over Now. Eh. Nice, I guess. Why is Randy so fat after gastric bypass?
Simon said it was like an audition. I agree.
Lacey - Ruby Tuesday. I still think everything Lacey sings sounds exactly the same. I hope she goes home, I'm really tired of her. Simon agrees with me, naturally.
Andrew - Gimme Shelter. Well, at least I can recognize it. I just don't see Andrew as a star. I also hate the neck tattoo. I don't like tattoos in general but I firmly believe that the face and neck should be completely off-limits.
The ad for Human Target looks good, but I refuse to watch any more tv.
Katie - Wild Horses. She does have a beautiful voice. I liked it. I didn't love it, but I did like it.
Tim - Under My Thumb. Tim looks like every teenage boy I knew in 1970. What's with the retro hair? He reminds me of Bobby Sherman. Bobby Sherman singing Under My Thumb? Oh, God, no! Seriously, this is a bad choice of songs. Why is it reggae? Oh, this is bad...... It's a shame that That 70's Show isn't still on the air, he could have a job.
Siobhan - Paint it Black. Dare I hope? I totally loved it, including the scream! The only interesting performer so far tonight. I'd still love to know what that tattoo is. Oh, I looked it up. Good 'ole internet. From Celibrifi: The Ink: Siobhan currently boasts three tattoos. On her right shoulder (middle inset) is the cover image from Edward Gorey's book "The Gashlycrumb Tinies." Now you know.
Lee - Beast of Burden. I just like Lee, he is cool. He has a radio voice. He'll have a career no matter what. I like this. I just have to say that my friend Stef's husband thought the song said I'll never see your pizza burning. I love when people get lyrics wrong. For years I thought Carlos Santana was singing, "Jeannie Jones and her bulldog, too." No, really.
Paige - Honky Tonky Woman. I find her very pedestrian. I really hate this. I didn't understand the juxtaposition of the lyrics.
Aaron - Angie. I like him. I like the performance. Even though he doesn't look old enough to be out by himself.
Crystal: My favorite! Can't Always Get What You Want. Loved it, no surprise! You cannot buy what this kid's got. Not her best, but her almost best is better than most.
Whew, that's done!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Top 8 Girls - American Idol
Okay, so I missed a week, sue me.
Thank God, chicklet teeth girl is gone.....
Ellen is on Simon's lap! She is nuzzling him. Funny!
Katie: Such a pretty girl! Rather snoozy performance so far. Rather boring. Panel didn't like it either. She's really just too young.
Siobhan: House of the Rising Sun. I think she can do it. This girl's got soul. Different version, I like it! She's my second favorite girl. Simon thought it was weird, I gotta say, I disagree. I thought it was fascinating.
Lacey: Stories. I have the feeling that I have seen this performance before. Don't all Lacey's performances seem the same? I think it's time Lacy went home. Judge's liked it. Guess it's me.
Katelyn: Carole King. She's adorable but I think of this song as completely Carole's. It's hard to hear anyone else sing it. Randy says there was nothing special about it, I agree.
Didi: Fleetwood Mac. Rhiannon. Never do Stevie! A different reading but still, you always hear Stevie in your head, don't you? An aside: does every girl on the show have to wear lip gloss? I have HD and it just looks icky. Kara and Simon liked it, but not me.
Paige: Smile. Sounds scared or nervous. Odd choice of song. I think it's a train wreck. Judges agree with me. I think Paige is going home.
An aside: Sons of Tucson looks funny.
Crystal! Give me one reason. She's the real thing. I love her. She reminds me of Bonnie. I totally LOVE that she's sitting on her amp! She's so unimpressed with the judges and so sure of herself. Simon agrees.
Lily: Patsy Cline. Really? Patsy? This I gotta see. I'm really tired of that Betty Boop quality to her voice. This is painful. I really hate it. Simon says no wow factor, I really agree. I think she is going home. Shame, 'cause I like Lily.
Thank God, chicklet teeth girl is gone.....
Ellen is on Simon's lap! She is nuzzling him. Funny!
Katie: Such a pretty girl! Rather snoozy performance so far. Rather boring. Panel didn't like it either. She's really just too young.
Siobhan: House of the Rising Sun. I think she can do it. This girl's got soul. Different version, I like it! She's my second favorite girl. Simon thought it was weird, I gotta say, I disagree. I thought it was fascinating.
Lacey: Stories. I have the feeling that I have seen this performance before. Don't all Lacey's performances seem the same? I think it's time Lacy went home. Judge's liked it. Guess it's me.
Katelyn: Carole King. She's adorable but I think of this song as completely Carole's. It's hard to hear anyone else sing it. Randy says there was nothing special about it, I agree.
Didi: Fleetwood Mac. Rhiannon. Never do Stevie! A different reading but still, you always hear Stevie in your head, don't you? An aside: does every girl on the show have to wear lip gloss? I have HD and it just looks icky. Kara and Simon liked it, but not me.
Paige: Smile. Sounds scared or nervous. Odd choice of song. I think it's a train wreck. Judges agree with me. I think Paige is going home.
An aside: Sons of Tucson looks funny.
Crystal! Give me one reason. She's the real thing. I love her. She reminds me of Bonnie. I totally LOVE that she's sitting on her amp! She's so unimpressed with the judges and so sure of herself. Simon agrees.
Lily: Patsy Cline. Really? Patsy? This I gotta see. I'm really tired of that Betty Boop quality to her voice. This is painful. I really hate it. Simon says no wow factor, I really agree. I think she is going home. Shame, 'cause I like Lily.
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